So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
