So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
