so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
