I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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