it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
