his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
