the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
