Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
