Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
