woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
