"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
