you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
