ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
