things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
