I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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