Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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