I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
