i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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