Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
