She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Come share oat with me in your robe
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
