bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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