There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
