I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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