Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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