The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
