im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
