i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
