If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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