then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
