dude i'm inner monologue high
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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