It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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