My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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