dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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