Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
