I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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