Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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