i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
