not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
