just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
