My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
