Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
