Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
