not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
