Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
