Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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