You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
