If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
