you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
