I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
