Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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