so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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