Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
