Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
