so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
