I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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